Gilly

I started the perimenopause aged 42 and the symptoms increased over the following six years. I hadn’t had children naturally, my three beautiful sons, now adults, are all adopted. I’d always had regular periods and been lucky not to suffer badly. Suddenly they were heavy, bad PMS and increasing discomfort, sometimes lasting weeks. Then the real fun started. Poor sleep, I’d wake with my heart racing or my bladder fizzing! As the menopause closed in, I often felt very low, anxiety levels were through the roof. I ached; I was nauseous. I went to the doctors a couple of times, once worried about bleeding and lower back pain but was reassured by a scan and once when the anxiety was very high. My two younger boys I adopted are both non-verbal autistic and as a carer mum I struggled at times. My husband worked away a lot and I lived away from my family, I could feel quite isolated. Having lost my mum in my 30’s I think I would have sold my soul for a phone call at this point! Incredibly close to my sister but as little sis, I hit the menopause first. 

I would say my husband wasn’t overly supportive or understanding. I remember asking Mr. Google (several times a day, every day) if he’d ever googled the symptoms of the menopause to increase his understanding of what I was going through, and he looked at me blankly. This particular year we celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary and I remember a hot summer. The autumn was hotter and winter hotter still. Hello night sweats and hot flushes! It wasn’t pleasant, but after years of varying ‘meh’ symptoms, I kind of felt relieved. The beginning of the end, as it were. The end of my marriage. He left. I was completely blind-sided. She (of course there was) was 15 years my junior and at a time when I felt at my lowest physically and mentally, I was crushed. We had been together 28 years my life was turned upside down. I tried so hard to value who I was, but it proved impossible. The first 12 months were tough. 

My middle son, who has severe learning difficulties hit a really bad time. Non-verbal, now 16 with hormones raging, one morning he dragged me to the floor by my hair, pulling out a clump of it. A wonderful teacher at his school told me to go to the doctors immediately and not leave till I got help. The doctor said, let’s get you some help. Although she did do an emergency CAMHS referral for him, she meant me. I needed help. I remember looking in the mirror at the surgery and not recognising the red snotty mess with a bald patch looking back at me. I was prescribed anti-depressants which I took for 18 months and then came off under GP supervision. I also had some counselling and very slowly started to feel myself again. My friends and family were so supportive, and I feel so lucky to have had that. I made sure I did things for me from the simplest things like walking my dog to a glass of wine and a good old natter with friends. 

I even dated, dear lord it was a whole new world out there! I then thankfully escaped online dating when I met an old friend and suddenly, I found myself engaged. An awful winter of 2021/22 started in November with my sister in hospital for 2 months after a brain infection and the loss of my lovely Dad in the February. As summer approached, plans for my September wedding were in full swing. Anyway, I hope you kept the receipt for your hat. He left me 34 days before the wedding and no, I’m not kidding. It wasn’t my happy ever after, but you know what? I was ok. Hurt and a tad humiliated, but ok. I had the support, the muscle memory and most importantly I had me. Having already retrained as a therapist, I then applied at the ripe old age of 52 to do my first degree, BSc Psychology. I love my work, it’s so varied and I have met a lot of menopause age women struggling. It’s become a passion of mine and I’m in plans to start a support group. I want to finish my degree and progress to a doctorate. I’m 54, post-menopausal and feel in the best shape of my life mentally. I’m my fairy-tale ending. I like to call the story; Dr not Mrs. 

Gilly